Raising Kids in the Age of Foolishness

There are enough fools in the world!

Raising Kids in the Age of Foolishness: Foundational Traits of the Wise #3

Listening: Proverbs 12:15 “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice”

In the South, we would sometimes say, “You can’t tell that boy nothing.” I know it is not grammatically correct, but it communicates. We also would say the boy or man was “hard-headed.” These were not compliments, but there was an element of admiration in them. You see, in the South we still have a bit of rebel pride. I don’t say that with pride. It was the culture I was immersed in growing up, a part of my heritage that bore the seeds of bigotry and stubbornness. As Charlie Daniels sings: “I ain’t asking nobody for nothing if I can’t get it on my own.” Merle had a similar phrase in Workin’ Man Blues: “I ain’t never been on welfare; that’s one place I won’t be.” Both songs speak the self-sufficiency of man. We have a “we-will-figure-it-out” mentality. Receiving advice did not come easily. That’s not totally true. The Judds sing about Grandpa. “Tell me ‘bout the good ole days.” There were always a few people around that we sought advice from.

Children who grow up in a culture that shuns counsel and advice will often become fools. Their lives will be littered with unnecessary mistakes. We may seek out YouTube videos to learn how to fix a carburetor, but a marriage or child-rearing video may not be at the top of their search list. The wise man Solomon nails it when he characterizes the fool as being right in his own eyes. If a person is already right, then they cannot be wrong, and anyone who says they are wrong and should not be listened to. The stiff-necked person needs a chiropractor but probably will not think he does. An adjustment would do wonders for his well-being, but he will stubbornly resist.

How do parents avoid raising a fool who will not listen to anyone? Begin at the earliest age by having the conversations about how an unwise decision could have turned out differently had the child asked for help. Asking the question after a mishap, “What could you have done instead of what you did?” is helpful in avoiding the mistake again. Children need to know what went wrong in their decision. Parents should have more experience, though some are more like children than adults, and this wisdom gained through experience must be shared. Tell your children what you learned the hard way. Of course, they may have to learn the hard way as well. If this is the case, try to allow it in a controlled environment so they do not get too hurt by the experience.

Attention comes before listening. Eye-contact is the place to begin. When dispensing advice ask your child to look you in the eye. Find a quiet place for a reasonable conversation. Advice given on the fly or in the heat of the mistake might be lost on the child. Their emotional state needs to calm down so they can hear you. When you do speak, make sure they hear you and have them repeat what you said in their own words to make sure they comprehended. Take time when they are small or you will have to suffer a fool later.