Raising Kids in the Age of Foolishness

There are enough fools in the world!

Raising Kids in the Age of Foolishness: Foundational Traits of the Wise #5

Relational Integrity

Proverbs 12:1 “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.”  Proverbs 13:10 “Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise.”

What is relational integrity? Integrity means soundness. If a barge strikes a bridge, the Corp of Engineers will run tests to determine if the integrity or the soundness of the bridge has been compromised. Is the bridge safe? Integrity within relationships means there is safety, and in this present context, safety to give and receive information and advice. Suppose there is a team of five inspectors on this bridge project, and two of them point out weaknesses in the structure, and the other three simply do not want to hear what they have to say. There is no relational integrity among the team. The team has been compromised. Suppose at least one of them has been paid off to pass the inspection of the bridge. The integrity of the team has certainly been compromised. You cannot trust the findings.

Life requires discipline, knowledge and advice. Those who reject these are prideful and stupid. Instead of a group of engineers, imagine we have a set of parents, a couple of sets of grandparents, some aunts and uncles, and some trusted friends as primary influencers of your children. Each person on this team should love the child, desire what is best for the child, be wise enough to make a positive contribution to the child’s welfare and have some ability to appropriately exercise influence over the child. Now we have a relational system. Each person has a responsibility to maintain the integrity of the system and the child must respect each person’s role to help them to become wise.

As a grandfather, I know I am not the parent and I do not have the same authority as the parent, but I also would like to be respected enough by the parent and the child to contribute to the child’s education in wisdom. When that does not happen, relational integrity fails. This is why one of the best things a family can do to raise wise children is to maintain healthy relationships between the father and mother and with the extended family. The more coherent a family is, sharing the same values and beliefs, the more relational integrity there will be and the greater the possibility of raising a wise son and daughter.