Raising Kids in the Age of Foolishness

There are enough fools int he world!

Raising Kids in the Age of Foolishness: Foundational Traits of the Wise #4

Emotional and Behavioral Self-Control

Proverbs 29:11: “A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back”

Proverbs 20:3: “It is to a man’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.”

When I grew up, I was told to think before I spoke. I admit that I have not always done that. I am still working on it. This mental exercise requires a lot of discipline. The thought process goes like this: If I say this, what could be the unintended consequences? I may have the best of intentions but that will matter little if I am sloppy with my words and leave the wrong impression. I can argue all day that I didn’t mean it the way it sounded or that the offended party should just get thicker skin, but that might be too little too late. Many pride themselves in speaking their mind, or as our passage says, “giving full vent to his spirit.” I received one of those Green Egg grills for Father’s Day. I had to learn how to adjust it for the right amount of heat. There are two vents, one at the bottom where the air comes in to fuel the fire and one at the top where the heat escapes. The trick is to make sure there is the right amount of heat being generated and the right amount of heat being released. This is a good metaphor for controlling our conversations.

When we feel passionate about something, our bottom vent is opened wide supplying oxygen to the fire and heating it up quickly. When the top vent is partially or totally closed, more heat is trapped inside the grill and you may get chargrilled burgers, very crispy. This happens in life. The more I obsess over a matter, the madder I get, and the hotter my speech becomes. I am ready to fry somebody. I want to “let them have it.” I am not sure what “it” is; maybe “a piece of my mind.” Be careful when giving out too much of your mind, you may not have enough left to be considered wise. The wise man holds back. This does not mean the wise man is a coward or does not care deeply about the subject at hand. It means he is crafting his words carefully to be able to offer light and not more heat. The wise man works to avoid strife.

Coaching our children in the art of self-discipline, thinking before they speak, accepting the bridle, looking at all the facts and angles of a situation, considering the mood and perspectives of the other person, and designing their words to avoid strife is no easy task. It takes practice just like managing the Green Egg. To cook your steak, you need the fire just right, not too hot and not too cold. We don’t want passive children who never get righteously anger over sin. But we don’t want to raise children who shoot first and ask questions later. Jesus is the perfect example of wisdom. Study his appropriate responses in various situations. Go over these stories with your children. Teach them about the dangers of impulsiveness. It takes a lot of work to avoid raising a fool. THERE ARE ENOUGH FOOLS IN THE WORLD.